My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
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