So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
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