Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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