Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
