I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Randomize
