can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
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