I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Randomize
