First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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