Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Randomize
