Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
