just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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