omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
i just made my gag reflex go away.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
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