No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Randomize
