What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
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