just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize