then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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