First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Randomize
