You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
