I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Randomize
