if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Randomize
