Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
