my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
