i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize
