I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
