I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
