this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
I wear drunk well.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
