What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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