The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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