He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
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