i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize