I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
