My friends, they love my intelligence
I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
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