Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
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