I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
