I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
Randomize
