oh god the rape fog is back!
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
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