btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
