take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Randomize
