i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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