I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
