i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Randomize
