Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
