I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
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