the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
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