4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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