How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
God, I missed his penis.
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