So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
Banned from zoo.
Again?
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Randomize
