I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Randomize
