im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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