so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
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