Question. A woman tells her guy she's on birth control. Stops taking it to have a kid to force the guy to be responsible and with her. What rights does that guy have
None he's f-d
Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
