I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Randomize
