um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Randomize
