NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Randomize
