did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Randomize
