I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
you didnt know i had herpes?
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Randomize