he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
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