He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
