I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Randomize
