just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
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