I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
She even gives head with a lisp.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Randomize
