this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
Sober January is a disaster.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Randomize
