So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize