Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
