wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Randomize
