A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
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