STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
So here I am, sexting at work.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
