Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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