So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
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