I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
