I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
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