shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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