I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
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