I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Randomize
