My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Randomize
