How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Randomize
