Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Randomize