Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Randomize
